on the mountains i have climbed, and those i have not

(i don't think i want to be a "high-achiever" anymore)

for as long as i can remember, i have climbed mountains. i have prided myself in being a relentless hiker, in the summits i have conquered. i am well-acquainted with the thrill of the cool mountain air, with the view atop the highest peaks. it is all i know how to do. to climb, despite aching legs and short breaths. to weather strong winds and heavy storms. to climb and climb and climb. it is all i know how to do. it is all i have ever done.

and yet, and yet. these days, i have been choosing the easier path, the slower path. i have been steering away from the path that leads further up into the mountains, choosing instead the one that leads deeper into these hills. i don't quite know why. i have climbed so high, only now to stop, unable to climb any further. i have ignored the voice urging me to keep going, keep running, keep chasing, instead listening to the one that tells me to stay right where i am. here.

i see so many people catching up, surpassing me as i stay lost within these hills. they climb higher and higher, reaching summits i have dreamed of for so long. they tell me of the view where they are. stunning, they say. breathtaking. i yearn, to be where they are. i can see the mountaintops in the distance, and i long to run towards them. i too, want to enjoy the sky-high views. i too, want to brag of my adventures. and yet, and yet. these hills call me deeper still.

they promise me what the mountains cannot. a place to rest. a place to breathe. and slowly, i am setting down the heavy load of my hiking gear to sit down by these burbling streams. i am exchanging my backpack for baskets to fill with ripened blueberries. i am refocusing my binoculars away from the distant peaks to the feathered birds hidden among the leaves. in exchange for mountains, i now climb trees. the view? just as breathtaking. while a part of me misses the adrenaline of a hike, i am learning to enjoy the calm of these hills, this forest i have found myself in.

perhaps one day, i will be ready to climb mountains again. perhaps one day, i will pick up my hiking gear once more, and set off for higher peaks. maybe by then, i will know how to climb high without hurting myself. maybe by then, i will know how to love the hike more than the destination. for now, though, i have chosen to stay right where i am. for now, i will stop climbing and start exploring.

for now, i will make a home within these hills.